Hungry and Helpless

Dear Wacktastic,

I have a coworker who steals everyone’s snacks from the break room fridge. How do I protect my precious yogurt cups from this food thief?
— Hungry and Helpless

Dear Hungry and Helpless,
Oh, the infamous office snack bandit—a scourge more elusive than a printer that actually works when you need it. It’s time to take a stand! First, let's set some bait. Start labeling your snacks with progressively bizarre warnings: “Caution: Contains Traces of Kryptonite,” “Do Not Eat – Cursed by a Witch,” or “Secret Ingredient: Fermented Ghost Peppers.”

If that doesn’t deter them, it’s time for psychological warfare. Swap out your yogurt with a concoction that looks identical but tastes like sadness—think plain Greek yogurt mixed with unsweetened cocoa powder and a dash of vinegar. Or, replace the contents with something truly unexpected, like mashed potatoes. Enjoy watching their expression as they realize that they’ve just scooped a spoonful of starch instead of strawberry.

If they still won’t relent, go full-on James Bond. Install a fake surveillance camera with a blinking red light, point it directly at the fridge, and add a sign that reads, “Smile! You’re on Snack Security Camera.” Pair this with a “Snack Thief Most Wanted” bulletin board, featuring a blurry photo of an anonymous hand reaching into the fridge, with captions like “If you see this hand, approach with caution.”

Or, my personal favorite: create a yogurt decoy, like a container filled with glitter or popping candy. The next time they crack open that lid, it’s an instant confetti shower of shame. If that still doesn't work… well, you could start a rumor that the fridge is haunted by the ghost of leftover lasagna. Or just superglue everything to the shelf and call it performance art.

But really, a snack thief is like a mosquito in summer—annoying, persistent, and deserving of creative retaliation. May your yogurt stay safe and your prank game stay strong!